Preservatifs and Preservatives are not the same…

Many words in english are extremely similar to their french counterparts. So much so that when I’m at a loss for the french word I’m searching for I just say the english word with a french accent. Coupled with a confused look it’s turned out to be a pretty successful system, most of the time.

However, tonight my system caused a little confusion. I was talking to mes Maries about where I can get olives for Mike stuffed with garlic. If they didn’t have to last until April when he comes back it wouldn’t be a problem. There are olive stands all over the markets in Aix and even though I hate olives Aix is a part of the Olive Belt so they are excellent here! However, the olives available at the markets do not have preservatives in them and would not last. I was trying to explain my problem to them and so I said “J’ai besoin de les olives avec de l’ail mais il faut que il a les preservatifs.” Translation: I need olives with garlic but they have to have (don’t know the french word for preservatives…throw on the french accent and confused look…) PRESERVATIFS?

By their reaction I could tell that my system had failed me. Though I had no idea how badly…Eventually Marie explained to me that “preservatifs sont pour proteger de SIDA” aka protection from AIDS. Great. I told mes Maries that I needed olives with garlic for my brother but they had to have condoms or they wouldn’t be good when he got back to the states. The word I was searching for was conservatifs. I doubt I’ll be making that mistake again. My system failed me. Perhaps it’s time for a new system.

Also I would like to add that this story now trumps me saying the equivalent of fuck at the dinner table when I was trying to talk about the Russian Prime Minister Putin. Poo-teen = Prime Minister Putin. Poo-tan = Fuck. And my other french faux pas was telling the group of frenchies I went hiking with that I was horny instead of just plain hot. I’m doing really well here…